


Leave Out All The Rest

by soldiermom1973



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Gen, Leave Out All The Rest, Linkin Park - Freeform, M/M, Mass Effect 3, Reapers, Thessia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-05
Updated: 2016-10-05
Packaged: 2018-08-19 18:18:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8220452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soldiermom1973/pseuds/soldiermom1973
Summary: Post-Thessia, Shepard wonders if people will only remember him for the mistakes he's made.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This sounded so much better in my head. Seriously.
> 
> I don't get into anything graphic, but it's implied, given the destruction on Thessia. I figured better safe than sorry.
> 
> Anyway, over on the MEFFW page on FB, the drabble prompt is music. I originally had another song in mind, but it would have made for a seriously angsty fic and I just didn't want to write that. This is kind of angsty, but not nearly as much as my other idea. Plus, I have these song lyrics tattooed on my back...
> 
> "When my time comes  
> Forget the wrong that I've done  
> Help me leave behind some  
> Reasons to be missed.  
> Don't resent me  
> And when you're feeling empty  
> Keep me in your memory  
> Leave out all the rest."

Thessia was a disaster. Shepard wasn't used to losing – he always managed to swoop in and save the day. That isn't to say he always came away unscathed – he had a bunch of nifty implants courtesy of Cerberus that attested to that – but he seldom lost. He lost Thessia and he didn't take it well.

Shepard didn't say a word during the shuttle ride back to the Normandy. He stood, his forearm braced against the window, and watched as the Reapers continued to devastate the asari homeworld. Liara sat and stared straight ahead. Kaidan's gaze shifted between the two - he knew Shepard well enough to realize the man needed space to piece together everything that had happened. Right now, he was probably mulling over their every action, trying to figure out what they'd done wrong, what they needed to learn from so this didn't happen again. Liara was obviously in shock and Kaidan wanted to reach out and offer some comfort but he didn't know what to say. She wasn't the hardened soldier he and Shepard were; seeing the death and destruction wasn't something she knew how to deal with. Kaidan leaned back, resting his head on the bulkhead and just watched his friends.

The only time anyone spoke was Cortez as he announced their approach vector and ETA back to the Normandy. When they landed, Shepard stalked off the ship, not acknowledging anyone as he strode to the elevator. Not wanting to bother Shepard in the loft, Kaidan wore his armor to the crew quarters where he stripped, showered, and slipped into his duty uniform then made his way to the mess. He was starving and knew Shepard needed to eat as well. He didn't want to have to wash dishes, so he made the two of them some sandwiches.

Kaidan found Shepard in the Observation Lounge. His posture was identical to what it had been on the shuttle – his forearm braced on the glass, his forehead leaning on his arm as he stared into the black expanse around them.

“Is this how they'll remember me, K?” His voice was quiet, almost child-like.

“How's that, John?” Kaidan set the platter of food on the small table and moved behind Shepard, touching his shoulder. The other man let out a sigh at the contact and closed his eyes.

“This. Thessia. I couldn't save them. I couldn't help Palaven. I couldn't save earth. How many people died because I haven't done enough? Is this how I'll be remembered? Commander Shepard, the man who didn't try hard enough?”

His last words came out as a bitter laugh and he shook his head. Kaidan took Shepard's hand and led him to the couch. Shepard instantly nestled up against Kaidan's chest, his shoulders shaking with quiet sobs.

“You're forgetting all of the good things you've done, John,” Kaidan started. “Let's go back to the beginning...”

“When I got Jenkins killed.”

“You didn't get Jenkins killed. We weren't expecting geth. Or heretics or whatever the hell they were,” Kaidan soothed. “But you saved that colony on Feros, remember?”

“Yeah, by killing the only known thorian in existence.”

Kaidan shook his head and sighed. “It was either that or you let the entire colony remain under its control. It could have helped you, it chose not to. That isn't your fault. How about Noveria, then?”

On it went, with Kaidan trying to remind Shepard of the good things he'd done, only to have him counter with what had gone wrong. “You've seen how it works, K,” Shepard said sullenly. “People latch on to the negative stuff. When my number's finally up, when that bullet with my name finds its way home, will people only remember the things I've done wrong?

Kaidan sighed and nuzzled his cheek on Shepard's head. “Perhaps you've already forgotten how people idolize you. They know none of this is your fault. The Reapers' arrival vindicated you, proved you've been right this entire time. You've gotten a lot more right in the past several months than most people do in their entire lives. Not just anyone gets made an honorary member of Clan Urdnot, you know.”

He smiled when Shepard let out a small chuckle. He kissed the top of his lover's head and murmured. “When your time comes, they'll praise you. Hell, worship you, even. I can even see a new religion sprouting from all of this – worship at the Church of Shepard!”

Shepard finally laughed and shook his head. Kaidan chuckled with him, then murmured, “They'll remember the good things, John. I'm sure they'll leave out all the rest.”


End file.
